To My Best Friend

We've been friends since High School. We may not have started out as best friends, but you have definitely become mine. We usually only see each other once a month, and text maybe once a week, but whenever we are together I feel I can be real. I can be myself, say what I want and you will still love me. You have supported me in every little journey I've been on and have continued to support me on the ones I am still travelling on. I would not be where I am without you. You may not think you are that important to me but you are. I have never worked so hard to keep a friendship, but you are worth it to me. Know this and know I will always be there when you need a friend. Even just a trip to the city for cupcakes ;)

Cheers to the New Year

So, this year I am finally finding time for myself and growing my businesses. I have so many plans going through my head and I just need to find the time to finish it all! I am so excited for the future.
Ok, so last year my word for 2015 was JOY. For the first few weeks of the year, I woke up and thought of this word. After a couple of weeks, this just became a "thing" for me. 2015 was the best year yet. SO much happened. Wonderful things.
This year my word is CONFIDENCE. I'll admit, the start has not been strong but I am determined to wake up every morning with this word in my head and reach and accomplish the goals I have set for myself this year. To gain confidence in myself and in my work.
Some of the goals I have set for myself this year:
One: To be more patient with my children. Isn't this every mothers goal every single day? Just to love them more, understand them more and hug them more. They grow up way too fast. Two: To grow in my businesses. I plan to re-vamp my photography business this year. Now that my babes are growing up I have one day a week without them where I can focus on my businesses and I plan to go all in every week. Three: I plan to have at least three online parties per month for Younique, once I get myself organized. First party is January 14th so I got to get my ducks in a row for then. Four: To find a photographer friend I can share my ideas with and to work together to accomplish goals. To work together and help each other grow in our passion. Someone with kids who knows the true struggle of balancing work, motherhood and being a wife.

Excuses are sometimes valid

You are so inspiring to me. I've followed you since you've started out and love every second watching you grow and reading your blogs. Creepy right? But seriously I have been so inspired by your words and your work. Your last post inspired, yet broke my heart. Those “excuses” are valid in my life right now. This year I am finally finding the time to do things for myself and re-vamping my business as I have been unable to put myself into anything lately. As a mother of two little boys, my personal being has been left to the side burner. I have yet to re-discover myself again. When I saw your posts about the results of the retreat my heart felt heavy because I would have absolutely loved to be a part of that. I hate these excuses for not growing my business as much as I want but I honestly can’t afford it. I’m a stay-at-home mom because we can’t afford day care; I have side jobs just to make some extra money for things like swimming lessons and going on rare dates with my husband. So when I saw your post about “no room for excuses here”. I am currently looking into some workshops I can afford right now in my local area. To me, this is huge. I was heart broken because I love following you and I truly would love to be mentored by you but I really can not afford $1200 to do this. My husband has a new job and can not just take any days off because I want to go away, even if it is to grow my business. When I say “hopefully in the future” I really mean it because I am putting money aside to afford to do it, and in the future because I can’t just up an leave my family for a weekend, especially with my boys being so small.

Just One of Those Weeks

Do you ever get those days where you have so many dreams and goals you want to accomplish, but they feel like they are just dreams? I’ve been having a week like that. I have so many big plans and dreams for the future but I feel that’s as far as it will go. Thoughts like “we can’t afford to start that” and “I’ll never get that” go through my head. I had mentioned just a teeny tiny portion of my thoughts to my husband and his response was so simple yet had such impact on what he thought of me and my capabilities. I love him to pieces! It may not be this year, but with him by my side and being so encouraging, I’m certain some of these dreams will come true!

It's a B*tch but I'm Not Sorry

When someone announces “It’s a Girl” I feel pain. If I know you and you announce this personally and I don’t seem excited, it’s not that I’m not so happy for you, I’m just thinking about the girl I lost. If we are together and I don’t want to hold your baby girl, it’s not that I don’t, it’s because I’m afraid I’ll burst into sobs if I do. If you are telling me something cute your little girl did and I don’t seem very interested, I am listening, but I’m also thinking what it would've been like if it was MY girl. 

So please, don’t judge anyone upfront as a b*tch if you've experienced this. Some days it’s still very hard even though it’s been four years. The pain of loosing a baby never really goes away. 

If you ask me “so are you going to try for a girl?” and I reply with some sarcastic edge, I’m sorry but I’ve lost a girl and it’s hard to hear that question. I know you’re just making kind conversation, but to me, there’s no need to “try” for a girl, I've already had one, but unfortunately she wasn't meant to enter this world. I’m perfectly wonderfully happy with my two boys, but yes, I could've had a girl and it’s painful to think of that.

I've lost a baby and if you have as well, I hope you don’t feel embarrassed when you get emotional about little things. It’s all very real. I used to feel embarrassed when I cried “for no reason” in public, but I’m human, and so are you and those moments are very real.

Dreams Come True

A dream has sprouted and I am so happy to announce the "opening" of Boho Abode Fashions! It's always been a dream to own my own clothing store and here I've finally made it! Boho Abode Fashions is a mobile, woman's clothing store, offering unique and affordable pieces for the free-spirited and fashionable woman. 

You may be thinking "gosh this girl sells everything" and I have really just been exploring my options and trying to figure out what works best for me and my family. Currently I still sell Younique (and now own Boho Abode Fashions). All of this consultant experience has led me back to my true passion which is fashion. I will be able to incorporate my love of fashion photography and will fulfill a truly personal dream come true. I am very excited to introduce Boho Abode Fashions and hope you take a peek and enjoy the unique clothing I have to offer! 

Check it out on Facebook! Be sure to click that little like button too :)

Facebook: Boho Abode Fashions
Photo credit: Justine Renee Photography

Losses and New Life

As I have shared previously, I had a miscarriage back in 2010. (Read my story here). There is not a day that goes by without me thinking of my precious little Peyten. I look at my nephew and sometimes think "wow, she would be this big, she would be doing this now." I miss her every single day.
When I was pregnant with my son, it was a daily struggle worrying everyday if he was ok and still alive inside of me. I am pregnant again (and yes so very excited!) but again, every day has been a struggle for me worrying if this little one is still growing. There is something unique about this pregnancy which has made it just a little harder for me. This baby is due the day before Peyten was due three years earlier. Crazy, I know. February was a very tough month for me with breakdowns and gloomy days. I thought I was coping fairly well with my emotions about the pregnancy but I was very wrong. I kept telling myself that my thoughts were irrational, that I needed to stop and take a breath and just move on with the day. But all of that started bubbling to the surface and it all that pain came rushing out. I now realize that these emotions are okey to feel but I need to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and right now I need to trust that everything is okey and stay positive. Yes I still worry. I cuddle my son tighter. I check on him at night time. Because this fear consumes my every day. I have had counselling (yes I admit it. After Peyten, I could not go on trying to heal my heart by myself, I needed help). I will be going again soon. It has helped me so far and I refuse to go on trying to heal myself again.
Last month I got to see my little one in an ultrasound and my shoulders finally relaxed a bit seeing the baby move around. In a few weeks I will get to see the baby again and I look forward to that day!

A Piece of Me, A Little Hope, A Thank You.

This is a post from a few years back, but I wanted to share it because lately I've been struggling with this again.

I have been struggling emotionally and physically for the past 4 months, and something in me felt I needed to write a public journal entry about it. I guess mostly because I’m tired of lying to everyone, and tired of having to explain myself when I randomly burst out in tears. But also hopefully to give some encouragement to someone who may need it.

I lost a baby in February. Definitely the hardest thing I have EVER had to go through. When my husband and I found out we were going to have a baby we were SO excited. We had to tell close family and friends right away because we could not keep that joy to ourselves. About 2 weeks shy before announcing the pregnancy to the whole world, we lost our child. Any emotion you could think of I went through that week of waiting for confirmation that it was actually true. I was angry, upset, hopeful. But I knew before the doctor confirmed it that my baby was gone. I kept holding on to that tinge of hope the doctor gave me in that phone call that there was still a 50% chance that things were ok, hoping maybe it was true. But February 24th, I got the phone call that crushed all that hope.

That whole day was surreal. Now, my sister was pregnant at this time and wasn’t due until March, but I looked at her and said “You’re going to have this baby tonight you know.” I just had this feeling. She said she didn’t believe me. Sure enough, her beautiful baby boy came into the world that night. Holding my nephew in my arms the next day was so hard. I wanted to love this child that was a new part of this family, but at first I was afraid. I went through so many emotions, and thinking about how I will never be able to hold my own baby. (Now I believe that my nephew was born early to help me in my grieving. I got to hold him and see him smile. Just holding him and let the tears flow helped me to connect to my own baby).

About a week after my loss I had a huge meltdown. I cried in the arms of my mom. I thank her so much for just holding me and letting me get all my emotions out. For giving me words of encouragement she could offer. It was such a huge weight that lifted off my shoulders that day finally letting out everything that I was holding to myself.

 I also thank my sister, who at first did not know how to grieve with me until that day she came into the room and poured her emotions. I know that I don’t say it enough, but I love her so much! I thank my husband for just holding me and loving me throughout this entire time. This experience has brought us closer than ever. I thank God for helping me through this awful time. He gave me more strength than I ever could have expected, and all of this has allowed me to see life in a different light and become a stronger person. At first I was angry at God and why He let this happen when other people in the world have abortions. We wanted this baby so bad, and He took that baby away from us. I know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it’s really hard to know that reason. I still don’t understand why it had to happen, but I have seen God working through the entire process in different little ways. During my breakdown with my mom, God gave me this wonderful vision of my baby up in heaven in His arms. My baby was surrounded by my close relatives who are no longer with us, and my great-grandfather was singing praises. This was this best gift God could give me for it let me know my baby is ok and with her heavenly Father. (In that moment in my soul, I knew my baby was a girl, and my husband and I named her Peyten).  One day I will be able to hold my baby in my arms and I can not wait to see her.

Since the experience, my friends and family have been so supportive even though they were not sure how to comfort me, I know how much they cared, and I want let them know that even though you felt you had nothing to give to help me; you did by the love you showed. I have since met other women who have gone through the same experience as me, and just having those brief little moments with these women who were strangers, was amazing. I thank each one for their words and knowing I am not alone in this. I hope that by reading this, if you have gone through this awful experience, that you find some bit of encouragement. Just remember when people try to console you to take what you want and leave the rest. They are all there for you in your time of need and love you.

There is not a day that I don’t think of my little girl. I wish everyday that I could still feel her growing inside of me. I know one day I will have a child, and I know my heart won’t start healing until that time arrives. I thank each of you for your kind words, and love. It has helped me so much through this tough time. Much love. Justine (and Riley)

The Little Things

Today a little lesson was learned. To stop and enjoy the moments TODAY.
I was unloading my dishwasher when my son tugged at my shirt saying "sit mommy". I turned to him and said "mommy is busy honey I will play after I'm done". He tugged at me again and repeated "sit mommy". Something told me to just stop cleaning, what matters now is that your son wants your attention. So, I sat on the kitchen floor and gave him my full attention and in the end I cried. He took a hockey stick, used it as a microphone and sang me a long song. I was all smiles. At the end of the song he bowed his head several times saying "thank you. Thank you". It was the most adorable little act he has put on yet! I cheered and told him how good he was with tears in my eyes. He looks at me and says "mommy crying"? with a pout on his face. I said "yes but they are happy tears. You made mommy happy". He gets a big smile and says "mommy happy"?
Yes. I am so glad I stopped cleaning and paid attention to my little guy. I need to remember that the dirty dishes and laundry can wait. My baby will not stay a baby forever and he needs me NOW. I need him now. He makes me laugh every single day. He is an absolute joy and I thank God every day for this little being he has so blessed me with.

Good-bye Beautiful Fall

8 Reasons I love fall.
1. Layers. I love layering up in all my favorite fall fashions including:
2. Boots. I may have a slight obsession
3. Colors. Oh the colors of fall are gorgeous and I wish it stayed for more than 2 weeks! (Sometimes 2 days...)
4. Ladybugs. I hate bugs, but those little lady's I can handle. They are pretty cute, and I love capturing some macro shots of them. Which I did not do nearly enough this year!
5. Temperature. The days are always gorgeous. Not too hot, not too cold. Love it.
6. End of photography season. Bittersweet. But oh so fun because this is the time people really think they should probably get those portraits done before Mr. Winter comes along, so I am pretty busy in the fall season with photography and that makes me happy! So fun.
7.  This is when my creative juices start flowing more. Not sure why. I guess because I'm caught up in the business of it all during the summer that when fall comes around, it's just so beautiful that my mind begins reeling with ideas (but I never seem to get to them before we see snow and all the leaves are gone).
8. That yummy golden sun. Sun-kissed love.

 

 

Struggles

I have been struggling a bit lately on trying to discover where my true passion lies in the business of photography. I started out this love with macro photography. I am trying to get back into my love of macro photography as a source for inspiration for everything else I do! Then I went to portraits, then added weddings and now have recently added newborns. I would love to specialize in a specific area, but I honestly can't seem to decide where my passion lies. Lately I have been leaning towards Newborns and Portraits. This really only eliminates weddings... but I love doing these as well! Every area has pros and cons but every area has such satisfaction as well. I love portraits in the sun-kissed light of the evening sun. I love capturing a person as who they are in that moment in time and trying to let their personalities shine within every capture. I love capturing a young family together in play sharing a moment of joy and love for their children. I love newborns because it is really is such a precious (and very short) moment in time and to capture this for parents to enjoy for a lifetime fills my heart with joy. Weddings I love because I get to capture couples on such an important day in their lives that is filled with love and capturing that is such a joy.

Here are just a few of my absolute favorite photographs I took this year!

 

So much to be thankful for, happy thanksgiving!

So much to be thankful for!

The amazing support and love from my amazing clients, friends and family! I wouldn't be where I am without you! I am thankful for my beautiful son who makes me laugh everyday. My wonderful husband who works so hard and who is so supportive in everything I do. My parents and sister who are so supportive and are always there when I need them. My grandparents-in-law who are always available when I need them and who spoil my baby rotten! I am thankful for the cute little house I live in and clothes to wear. I am grateful for a friend to scrapbook with and make random trips to Lethbridge for cupcakes. The list goes on...

God has blessed me greatly. My heart is full.

 

Hi It's Me, Oh and I Made a New Friend

I don't get in front of the camera nearly enough. I used to LOVE being on both ends, but that eventually ended. (Plus self-portraits are tricky). I finally got a chance this summer to be in front of the camera thanks to the lovely Lorena of Frames and Feathers Photography who I had the chance of meeting this summer. Interesting story. We met on Facebook, the next day by chance met in person. At a Passion Party. Yup. That happened. Skip the awkward stage, BOOM we knew (maybe a little too much too fast) about each other! haha! Anyways, after that we had a coffee date. Or rather, photo date... Here are some of the photos of me and some of her :)

Frustration

I never did take a year off when Kash was born, but I limited my bookings around that time. Things are different when kids are in your life. They are SO incredibly important and take up so much of your time and energy. There has been so many things I've wanted to do these past two years and just never had the time (or enough energy to put into) these projects I so wish that I could do. I know that right now, as much as I wish to grow my business in a new way, that it can wait for now because my baby isn't going to be my baby for very long. I feel guilty sometimes too that I've worked too much on my business some days and ignored him or plopped him in front of the tv so I could get work done, but other days I make sure to spend more time with him doing activities. One day I can put more energy into my business, but right now a tiny someone is a little more important.

 

 

Day 1

So here it is. A personal blog. (I don't like mixing personal blogs with business, even though I see it a lot, it's just not for me. Although I will most likely be posting business stuff in my personal blog). My business blog is Justine Renee Photography (just by the way). Hi I'm Justine and I am a photographer.

We will see how this goes. I've never really been good with keeping up on diaries or blogging. I'm not even sure what possessed me to start a personal blog but I've been inspired and intrigued reading through others blogs that I've decided why not. I am also very random when blogging (if you haven't noticed in just a few sentences)!
This is day 1.